This article was written by a contributing male author and I wanted to share it with my readers.
This article makes the following assumptions about the reader:
1. You are comfortable with yourself are as a person. (If you know that you still need to work on your own issues, this article won’t help you. Until you get rid of all of your baggage, you will repel possible mates.)
2. You are ready to commit your heart, and your precious time to someone.
3. You know that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different outcomes or that doing some one “magic” thing will make your soul-mate come and knock on your door. There are precious few secret facts left in the world. You know most of the stuff I will tell you but you just are not doing it or need a little reminder.
If this is true of you, congratulations! Most people will never get past those first 2 steps, and are stuck in a continuous loop of being rejected because of personal flaws or because they will not fully commit. (People can always sense when you are holding back.) Now that we have that out of the way, here are the 2 strategies for successful soul-mate hunting: 1) Predator or 2) Prey. Both of these methods are tried and true and have worked for many people that I have interviewed. One is dishonest, in my opinion. You can decide for yourself which is which.
The Predator Approach (n) – Stalking and capturing ones prey by mimicking behaviors and preferences.
This method is usually used by type-A personalities because they fell more in control of the situation and are actively solving the problem of finding a mate. These people fell like they know themselves so well that they also know who will make them happy. The way this works is to decide, in advance, what kind of person you are looking for in your search. You have an idea of what your perfect soul-mate is and all the things that make up that kind of person, i.e., height, weight, eye color, personality, interest, etc. Then you stalk that kind of person by asking yourself where does this person; work, shop, eat, worship (or not), go for entertainment, go on the web, go on vacation, etc. Once you know the answers, you basically become this person by doing everything that person does. By doing so, you will be around the type you like and then it is just a matter of who is more physically attractive to you in this crowd. Once you have a target in your sights, you mimic that person so that they will think that you have so much in common that you must be made for each other.
The kind of person that you think will make you happy probably won’t. You can’t start things you aren’t willing to finish. Example: If your prey likes sports and you don’t, you will have to go to a lot a football games. They will think you like it and won’t even consider asking you what you want to do because they will think you are already doing it. Whatever they like you like, right?
The Prey Approach (n) – Becoming so attractive to people that you will have your pick of any person you choose.
This method is about you more than your soul-mate. What you do is keep working on yourself mind, body and soul in the hopes that when the person of your dreams comes along, she/he will feel as though you are perfect and they can’t live without you. You keep going where you like to go and doing the things that interest you. That way, when your soul-mate meets you, wherever you are, it will be a place that you both like or pursuing an interest that you both share. You will really have at least one thing in common; instead of having to compromise on activities, you will be able to do things you both like.
This method takes longer sometimes because the odds of a person liking everything you like are low.
I have to apologize, I lied before. There is one more method that works, The Hybrid. Because the perfect person for you usually does not like everything you like, you should find out what they like and do things that the kind of mate you want likes to do as in the first approach. The difference is that when you meet the person of your dreams at one of the places that they like to go, you be honest with them from that point forward about everything. BE WHO YOU ARE. Tell them that you came to that place to look for them and that you really don’t enjoy that activity as much as they might but that you are obviously willing to do some of the things that they like as long as they are willing to do the same.
None of these methods work without a few simple rules. These rules are gender specific and are general. I do realize that there are exceptions to all rules.
Make yourself available to people you find attractive. Give us clueless men a clue: give us “the eye”, if you see a guy across the room that interest you; go over to that side of the room at least. Even the most handsome and wealth men in the world get rejected and it is not fun, so we try to only approach women we think we have a chance with. Help a brotha’ out! I guarantee that there have been men that thought you were the best thing since slice bread, but didn’t come talk to you because they didn’t pick up any clues and didn’t feel like getting their feelings hurt. Oh yeah, believe it or not, we do have feelings. Most men are as sensitive as women but will never let you know that because they think they will be looked at as less than a man.
Men, I hate to break the bad news to you, but, YOU HAVE NEVER PICKED A WOMEN TO GO OUT WITH IN YOUR LIFE; THEY PICKED YOU. Women get hit on all the time and the say no every time; until, they meet a man that interests them. The problem is that you will not know if you are that man until you stop being a wuss and go talk to her! So what if you get rejected? So what? You are not the first, and won’t be the last. Any man that tells you he never gets shot down is either a liar or delusional. What if I told you Serena Williams or Angelina Jolie would reject you 300 times when you asked her out but on the 301st time she would say yes? Would you be more willing to be rejected? I am not telling you to badger some poor women 300 times, but I am telling you that you will be rejected way more than you would like before you meet the woman for you. Also, you will have much more success if you look around to see who wants you rather than looking around to see who you want. Most of the time you would have eventually picked her anyway after you were rejected by someone who wasn’t looking your way or is already taken. The only difference is that she saw you go over to that other woman first so now she feels like the runner-up in a contest she did not even enter and what kind of prize are you anyway because you just got shot down. And guys, no matter how clean you think you are, unless you have OCD you are not as clean as women want you to be.
These last rules are for everyone.
Be Patient. You have heard that good things come to those who wait. But like a lot of clichés the original intent and a word or two have been lost over time. The saying is actually “good things come to those who decide to wait.” This implies that you have options but that you are not willing to settle for anything less than what you want. Stay single while you are looking unless you feel like this person is a possible soul-mate and it is time to take the relationship to the next level.
Do not lead people on please; it hurts you as well as them. It hurts them because you wasted their time, money, and their feelings. It hurts you because if you don’t tell people what you really want, your odds of getting it are slim to none. My Dad used to tell me to never be afraid to ask for what you need or want because that is the only way you will to get it.
Chill out and work on your sense of humor. Everything is not as big a deal as you think it is in the heat of the moment.
It can happen for you. I am a living witness to love at first sight. I knew the moment that I meet my wife that she was the women for me and the more I get to know her the more I feel that way. (And she is fine as all get out too!)
Good Luck and May The Force Be With You!!!